Hello. Here I am again. Starting a new blog. I guess I will just jump right in.
I believe that sharing stories helps connect us as humans, and helps us realize how similar we are, even when we all lead different lives. If you've seen my about me page, you'll see that I just turned 40 this year. I am loving 40 so far - I've come a long way in the past few years on the journey of re-discovering who I am and what I want my life to be like. In this process, I found my love of photographing other people is even stronger than it used to be. Strong enough to urge me on to recreate my business after walking away from it for nearly two years. The truth is that I walked away from photography because I was surprised by a divorce that left me wondering who I was, where I had been, and especially where I was going. I spent a lot of time living day to day, making sure my children were adapting, and eventually starting to adapt myself to our new life. In that time, I read a lot, cried often, felt more fear and anxiety than I had ever known, and made a ton of decisions about how I wanted life to be for me and my children. Their father and I get along well, and he cares for them deeply. My family that I gained by being married to him is still my family, and we enjoy being with one another. My own family is incredibly loving and supportive of me, and to their grandchildren's father. It all sounds pretty great, right? Yes, my life is good. Don't be mistaken, though, there are still tough times on occasion. We work our way through scheduling, coparenting, and creating the lives we want. Which leads me back to starting my photography business again.
I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Even though I had started to work on myself, I didn’t know what I wanted. I wasn’t sure of much of anything, all truth be told. Now I see that for what it really was - I didn’t value myself or my love of photography enough to have the guts to do it. Ironically, as I was working on these things (and still do everyday), I had people coming to me asking me to do shoots. The universe heard me talking, and energy was moving. In November of last year, I made the decision to tentatively go for it. I was very clear in what I was planning, and it was very simple: Just start shooting again, and allow myself to get behind the camera again. I had a friend asking me to do a family session for her a few months in the future, and I finally agreed. I told her I was feeling brand new again, and I wasn’t sure what to expect from myself. All she said was, “I was you to be the one who does these pictures.” I was nervous and excited all at the same time. I knew I had time to practice and get back to where I had been before. But I wanted to be better. I am still wanting to be better, and I expect that will never go away.
In the meantime, I started taking my camera with me to my children’s events at school. I had done a photography job for the school in the past, and a new one came up the day after I agreed to do the family shoot for a friend. See what I mean about energy moving? I accepted that assignment, and enjoyed it so much. I threw it out there to the universe how much fun that had been, and told everyone who would listen that I liked working for the school. Shortly after, the school hired me for another assignment. I loved that one, too.
What made me embrace the idea of truly starting my business again was when another friend called to say that her ballerina daughter happened to have a night off of performances, AND they had her costumes from her role in The Nutcracker. She wanted me to do some quick shots before they had to be returned the next day. They came over a few hours later, and when they left, I cried with joy knowing I had taken some of my most favorite photographs ever. I felt so alive and knew this was the way for me to go. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that what I was doing was something I NEEDED to do to be happy in my life. I knew I needed to continue to be a photographer and OWN that I am a photographer. It sounds so silly and simple, doesn’t it? But when you don’t have the confidence in yourself, it holds you back from doing that one thing you love. I am accepting this, and I am bummed over the time wasted living in a land of fear and doubt. Yes, I still have fears and doubts, but not when I’m photographing someone.
Now, I’m on my journey again sharing what I love, learning about people, hearing their stories, photographing them. In the process, my business model has changed, and while learning and growing, I am having so much fun! I’m excited to be sharing my journey with you, even though blogging is a challenge for me. I’ve issued that challenge to myself, because I fin that when I have to write for someone else, I’m more real and more honest. It helps me to true to who I am, by forcing me to put my thoughts and feelings into words. Don’t worry, though. Not all my posts will be like this one, but every once in a while, I will be sharing about my life with you. Some posts will be about how I am growing and changing my business, while others will be about my personal journey to be a better person. Most will be about my favorite images, things I want to learn, and even the silly things I enjoy like bubble baths and elephants! I hope you will come back to be part of my journey.